Nearly forty years later my relationship with God has been re-instated and it is my relationship with the esoteric that has supported me to get back to the effortless union with God that I had as a child.
I use the word relationship because I am undeniably in a relationship with the esoteric; in fact, other than my relationship with God, it is the most intimate relationship that I have in my life. My relationship with the esoteric is my relationship with the innermost part of who I am, which is the same as the innermost part of who we all truly are. It is an almost moment-by-moment relationship, a back and forth communication that is always looking to take me deeper into life… a relationship that is forever drawing me in.
As I go deeper within, so too, in many ways do I go further out. My contracted view of who I thought I was has been replaced by the irrefutable expansiveness of who I know myself to be. And who I now know myself to be, is who I now know us all equally to be.
But even though my relationship with the esoteric is currently one of great intimacy, this hasn’t always been the case, far from it in fact. When at the age of nine I stopped living life from the absolute ease of my body, the esoteric and I became strangers. I started to invest an enormous amount of effort in trying to control what was going on inside of me by desperately trying to control what was happening around me. I pulled in ideas about how life should look and I began to set the pace of my life to fit in with these assumed ideals. I also began imbibing beliefs and in doing so, started to allow them to shape all aspects of my life.
I viewed myself from the outside in, which often led to my feeling inadequate and disgruntled with life, or falsely superior and insensitive.
Over the years I continued to adjust the way that I was living, according to the constantly changing stimulus that streamed in from outside of me. I managed to assemble myself into a place where I felt that I had achieved the pin-up of what society commonly touted as being successful. I had a long-term partner, I worked full time and taught yoga as a second job, my child was academically talented, as well as being good at sport; I had enough friends and of course I was slim, because according to the pictures of societal success, you can’t be successful and overweight, right?
It took the breaking down of my body for me to review my perspective on life. A bit like a pit pony that collapses from years of being made to work gruelling hours hauling coal up and down from the mines, my body broke down in an exhausted heap. It was this that forced me to start to take a very honest look at the beliefs that I was modelling my life on.
Through my involvement with Universal Medicine I was formally re-introduced to the ‘esoteric’. I say ‘formally re-introduced’ because in truth most of us, if not all, have lived in deep and natural connection to our esoteric origins before.
I was reacquainted with the practice of making choices from the deepest part of me, a place that works in tandem with the body. The esoteric and the body operate like Siamese Twins, a powerful duo whose purpose it is to keep folding us back to Truth. And it is that folding back to truth that has knitted me deeper and deeper back to the truth of who I know myself to be. A process of continual reviewing, refining and discarding that has bound me closer and closer to myself. The deeper I have gone, the simpler the process has become. Initially the things that were not true weren’t always that easy to discern. I was easily confused by the deliberately deceptive way that our society has been set up. A false shop front that has been carefully orchestrated with the specific intention of keeping us as far away from the truth of who we all are as possible. I, like most people willingly gorged myself on the beliefs and pictures that abound in every culture and with each notion I imbibed my connection with myself got a little hazier. But with each step that I have chosen to take towards the esoteric, the fog has gradually lifted.
Each step taken towards the esoteric has revealed the next step and this process continues to repeat itself and has no end; we are all constantly being supported to go deeper and deeper into the belly of life.
And deeper and deeper we shall all eventually go, until such time as we arrive back at our starting point – that starting point being the lived understanding that collectively we make up the Living Body of God. At one point in the past we all chose to venture off and disconnect from our innermost knowing. It was this understanding that we all turned our backs on. But in all of our venturing, exploring, wandering and searching, our umbilical cord to that understanding has never been severed.
Our umbilical cord is the esoteric, a guaranteed, hand over hand way of finding our way back to the beginning again.
This blog originally appeared on a fantastic website called Unimed Living, here's the link