I know before I even start, that words will fail me but none the less I would like to try to describe the profound effect that Serge Benhayon has had on my life. I feel it’s true to say that for pretty much my entire life I have had a feeling that there was something about life that was just out of reach, something that was both ‘there’ and at the same time ‘not there’. I often had the feeling that I was being given small clues and yet I never seemed to be able to follow the clues far enough to actually work out where they lead.
At the age of 8 I chose to separate from myself. The gap that I created between me and myself has been filled for most of my life with an array of debris that has masqueraded itself as life. One such piece of debris was the belief that evolution works like a ladder – as you climb up it, you evolve.
For a very long time I had a strong sense that I was ‘getting somewhere’ – I felt that I was slowly making my way up the invisible ladder of evolution. I have always been a happy person and never worried too much about anything; I felt that I had things pretty much sorted and I took my happiness as evidence of my bogus ascension. Looking back now, I can also see that I mistook the feeling of being very physically fit as a sign of being in genuine good health.
For a lot of my life I have been rolling around in the ‘out there’, caught up in the “she said, he said, it’s not fair” illusion of life. Through my observations I feel it’s true to say that for most people the ‘out there’ is their reality and this is where the emphasis of life rests for most.
What do I mean when I say the ‘out there’? Well I mean life, as it’s commonly known. The stories we create, the drama we get caught up in, the pain we feel and the highs and the lows. We roll around from scenario to scenario, totally wrapped up in the detail of the ‘out there’, rarely questioning our part in whatever it is we’re embroiled in.
As long as the emphasis stays on the ‘out there’, then the ‘out there’ will always stay the same because the ‘out there’ only exists because of the ‘in here’. Without the ‘in here’, there is no ‘out there’.
Recently I have been pondering a lot on the subject of beliefs. I have come to the startling realisation that for most of my life I have held beliefs in most categories of life, and that those beliefs have governed the way that I have lived.
I know that I have not recalled all of my beliefs because there are hundreds of them, many are obvious but many are very subtle and more hidden: they have all influenced my life in some way.
Here is a tiny snippet of some of the beliefs that I have held:
Alexis Stewart is the mum of a beautiful boy and the partner to an amazing man. She works as a yoga teacher and a disability support worker and is a dedicated student of the Way of The Livingness. Alexis has recently discovered a passion for writing.