Is it possible that by working on the things we resist and procrastinate over in our outer world, that we can affect our inner world? A bit like energetic surgery, in reverse. And from my experience, I would most definitely say that “yes” – “yes, it is.”
When I say ‘my family,’ what I am referring to is my immediate family: my partner of 27 years and our sixteen-year-old son. The relationships that we share within our family have changed beyond recognition, and I feel impulsed to share a little about how these changes have come about, because I know that to be in true relationship with one another is what we all so desperately crave.
Recently I have been exploring the topic of judgement, as I have come to realise that I have been a very judgmental person for most of my life. Judging others is so much a part of what I do that I’m often not even aware that I am doing it. I have found that in order for me to be able to see a behaviour clearly, I need to be able to get a bit of distance between me and the behavior: but my problem with being judgmental is that it has often felt as close to me as my breath.
Riddle me this, Batman. What is the one thing that we say we do the most of, without actually doing it at all?
The idea of love is woven through pretty much every aspect of our lives: it’s mentioned in almost every song that we sing and poem that we write, it features in nearly every book that’s ever been written and has centre stage in many of our plays. We use it to advertise everything from chocolates to nappies, it’s written in our cards and on our clothes, we talk about it and we proclaim that we feel it (passionately), but is our use of the word ‘love’ true?
I used to think of abuse as being a very physical thing, actions for example that could be clearly felt, seen or heard. Sexual assault, hitting, shoving or shouting are all obvious examples, but I also included behaviours such as bullying, manipulation, coercion and stealing as being clear forms of abuse.
God was never mentioned when I was growing up; not because my parents were anti-God, it’s just that they weren’t ‘believers.’ They were fairly unusual in that they got married in a registry office, again not because they could categorically say that there wasn’t a God but because they couldn’t categorically say that there was. I love the absolute integrity of my parents.
‘The hidden harm in ‘self-care’ may sound like a parody, but it is not an attempt to be either witty or clever, I am in fact being very serious.
My guess is that it’s fairly common for women to have a ‘shoebox’ or something similar in which they store their ‘treasures’. Letters, cards, photos, basically things of sentimental value. I carried my ‘shoebox’ with me around the world, periodically looking through it and never wanting to throw any of it out.
'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ is perhaps One of the Biggest & Most Damaging Lies in History
For most of my life I have bought into a myth of such magnitude that it is impossible to either calculate or fathom the sum total of its catastrophic effects. It is a myth that is held almost universally and one that is encouraged and perpetuated by both men and women equally. Popular culture coined the term for this myth, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:’ in a nutshell it describes the seemingly irrevocable differences between men and women. And up until very recently this is something that I simply took as gospel.
About two and a half years ago I went to see my esoteric healing practitioner to talk specifically about what I felt was the inevitable end of my 23-year relationship with my partner. My usual steady emotional manner had been thrown into disarray and I was what can only be described as an ‘emotional wreck.’ I could see no way of preventing what was going to be a calamity, not only for myself, my partner and our son, but for our friends and family.
Alexis Stewart is the mum of a beautiful boy and the partner to an amazing man. She works as a yoga teacher and a disability support worker and is a dedicated student of the Way of The Livingness. Alexis has recently discovered a passion for writing.